Silly Batman Tricks Are For Kids!
by srh420cky
Summary: Just a bunch of funny little stories, dealing with Joker, Rachel, Batman, Ivy, Harley... Taken place durring/affter Dark Knight. This is just a hobby a few of my friends and I have... Making fun of everything. Humor/Drama/Romance and all the above. READ!
1. Man Crush

_Alright this is just a random story I did around 3am so it will probably not be that good. However I want to know what you think, and I have to thank my amazing friend for helping me with it. We were bored, tired and off. This is what you get when you put someone that has insomnia and gets loopy from no sleep, and someone with A.D.D and put their minds together lol. I hope you like it, it's different. _

_However, this does have Superman and Wonder Woman in it… The Joker, Batman and Ivy play a big part along with the Riddler and others. I based Batman and Joker off of Nolen's version and it takes place sometime after the Dark Knight I guess. It's just a silly twisted love story I guess. Kind of based on a dream. However all the other stories will involve the Dark Knight/Batman characters. Like Rachel, Gordon, Batman/Bruce, Joker, ect. Blah blah. So this is the only one that has all these characters. Enjoy! _

**I don't own any of the characters they belong to the comic book world. Also, no hard feelings against Marvel Comics… xoxo **

**Man Crush **

Superman stood up from his seat and looked around at the others. He put his hands down on the metal table and looked around at the others. Sitting around the table starting at his left went, Wonder Woman, Batman, The Flash, Poison Ivy, The Joker and the Riddle, the seat to his right was empty. He couldn't for the slightest clue figure out why the Joker, Ivy and Riddler were there. They were after all villains, not only that but they were also in the Batcave. Superman shook his head and spoke to them.

"Did anyone listen to me?" he asked.

Wonder Woman nodded at him and he smiled. He looked to Batman who was slightly rocking in his seat biting his gloved fingers. The Flash disappeared then reappeared with a burger in his hand. Poison Ivy blew Superman a kiss and gave a wink. The Joker played with one of his knives and ran it along his gloved hand. The Riddler was making a model boat in a bottle. Superman growled and slammed his hands on the table. Everyone jumped and looked at him with curious eyes.

"No one was paying attention?" he asked. "Fine. I'll repeat my self in a small dose... Our worlds are merging."

"Why the hell are you here?" asked the Riddler.

"Our. Worlds. Are. Merging." said Superman slowly.

"Ah." said the Riddler continuing his work.

"We have to do something." said Wonder Woman.

"AHHHHH!" Screamed Batman, everyone slowly looked over at him and he sucked on his thumb. Ivy burst into laughter.

"Oookay." said Superman. "Like I said, we have to do something about this or all hell will break loose."

"Maybe that's what we want." said the Joker.

"Yeah, I mean... It would make our jobs easier." said Ivy and the Joker nodded in agreement.

"Why are you three here?" asked Superman pointing to the three villains.

"Got an invite." said Ivy.

"From who?" asked Flash.

"I don't even know you so I don't have to answer that." said Ivy crossing her arms.

"Batman." said the Riddler. All the super heroes looked over at Batman who stopped rocking and spoke.

"No I didn't." said Batman.

"Yes you did." said the Riddler.

"Nope not me." said Batman quickly.

"Yes you did." said the Joker.

"Nope nope nope nope." repeated Batman shaking his head.

The Joker took out a piece of paper in the shape of a bat and read out loud. "Riddler, Joker and Ivy, please attend the super secret meeting in my BAT-cave tonight around 9pm. Please tell NO ONE. It's top secret. Sincerely Batman... P.S I had Rob the Pizza Boy write this because my hands are tied up from the muggers who stole my pizza... I am sad. Also... there will be punch and pie." The Joker finished reading and looked around. "Where the hell is the punch and pie?"

"There is no punch and pie." said Wonder Woman.

"That was the whole reason I came here." said the Riddler leaning back in his seat and throwing his model boat on the ground.

"I wanted to see the Batcave." said Ivy.

"Me too. Punch and pie would be nice though." said the Joker.

"Blueberry!" said Ivy.

"Cherry." said the Joker.

"PUMPKIN!" said Ivy.

"Alright enough." said Superman. "Now... What are we-." He cut off and looked around. "Where's Flash?"

"Here." said the Flash appearing in his seat.

"If your not going to stay, leave." said Superman.

"Fine." snapped the Flash. "I'll go to China."

"Bring me back some rice!" said Ivy. The Flash disappeared and reappeared handing her rice and then disappeared in a flash. "GOOOOOOOOOODIE!"

"Ok let's get back to business." said Superman.

"Get your own damn rice!" spat Ivy hitting the Joker's hand with the chopsticks. "Ass."

"Ouch." said the Joker. "I like yours though."

"Pig." said Ivy.

"Oink!" said the Joker.

"PIGGY!" said the Riddler.

"Shut up!" yelled Superman. Everyone froze and looked at Superman. The Joker raised a brow and cleared his throat.

"You have a yelling problem." said the Joker.

"You have A.D.D." said Superman.

"So." said the Joker.

"Can we please, try and solve this problem." said Wonder Woman.

"AHHHHH!" Batman randomly screamed again.

"What the hell is your problem?" asked the Riddler.

"I didn't hear anything." said Batman sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth.

"Creepy." said Ivy eyeing him.

"Ok... I have an idea a plan that could-." started Superman but the Joker interrupted looking at Batman.

"Do you have turrets?" he asked.

"That would be sooo cool." said Ivy. "BITCH!"

The Joker bust out laughing as Ivy yelled cuss words at the top of her lungs. The Riddler snuck out of his chair and went up behind Wonder Woman who didn't even notice his presents. Superman looked at the two obnoxious villains in front of him and shook his head. He looked over at Batman, who was still acting like a baby.

"Why did you invite them?" he asked. Batman just shrugged. "What is wrong with you?"

"Cold?" The Riddler asked Wonder Woman eyeing her breasts over her shoulder. Wonder Woman brought her fist back and hit him in the nose. The Riddler fell backwards and onto the floor, out cold.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" yelled the Joker bouncing in his seat.

"In this corner with fists of fury and boobs to match…Wonder Woman!" said Ivy loudly. "And on the floor the creepy little man he is, the Riddler!!!" She made a loud audience noise and clapped.

"FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!" yelled the Joker.

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP!" Yelled Superman and the two villains stopped and fell silent. "You guys are insane."

"Big. Fat. DUH!" said Ivy.

"You catch on fast Fly Boy." said the Joker with a wink.

"Just shut up for two minutes." said Wonder Woman. "Go ahead Superman tell us your plan.

"Okay... Uh well like I said our worlds are merging... Meaning our two lives, with Batman and Gotham along with you guys, are mixing with ours. So what we need to do is-." he cut off when Batman screamed and got to his feet.

"The pressure! I can't take the pressure!" He said slamming his fists on the table.

"What Batman?" asked Superman in worry.

"Tell us!" said Wonder Woman.

"I'm in love." Batman said loud and proud. The Joker raised a brow and Ivy gave a smile.

"CUTE!" Squeaked Ivy.

"I know." Squeaked Batman in a somewhat gay tone.

"Who?" asked Ivy.

"This is crazy." said Superman throwing his papers behind him. "Do you guys not care about this?"

"So we share a world with you guys, big deal." said the Joker. "Just stay away... from the hot little Assistant DA." He pointed to Superman. "I know your type, you little meat head."

"What?" asked Superman.

"It could get dangerous if we don't solve this." said Wonder Woman getting to her feet. "We have to do something."

"It's not a puzzle sweetheart." said the Joker. "However, if you were a puzzle I'd uh... LOVE to solve you." He winked at her.

"What the fuck was that?" asked Ivy looking at the Joker.

"What?" He asked.

"That was like the worse pick up line EVER!" she smacked him on the back of the head. "Dork."

"Hmmm." The Joker thought.

"Alright, I know... I know you all are curious about who has stolen my heart." said Batman, snapping his wrists towards them. "I know I know!" He giggled like a girl.

"Batman we don't care." said Superman.

*Gasp*

"Well I don't care about you!" Batman said in tears sitting in his chair folding his arms over his chest.

"Oh you hurt his feelings." said Wonder Woman kneeling next to Batman and rubbing his shoulders.

"I don't care if I hurt his feelings! I don't care about this messed up city! I don't care about anything anymore!" said Superman slamming his fists on the table.

"Will you stop that!" snapped the Joker who was now making a card castile. "I'm on a roll here!"

"Tell us Batman." said Wonder Woman. "Who is she?" Batman shook his head in his hands. "Please. I care."

"No, you don't understand..." said Batman looking at her. "It's... a MAN!" He burst into tears.

"Whoa!" said Ivy getting interested. "This is getting good."

"Well... everyone is different." said Wonder Woman giving a nervous laugh. "Who is he?"

"Yes, who is he?" asked Ivy.

Batman sobbed in his hands and Wonder Woman tried to comfort him. Ivy leaned on her elbows across the table, in deep interest. The Joker was building a card castile that was now three feet high upon the metal table. Superman scanned the scene and rubbed his temples. "I can't believe this." said Superman sitting in his chair.

"Come on Batman, who is it?" asked Ivy. "You'll feel sooo much better if you just say."

"Is it... Superman?" asked Wonder Woman.

"Ewe." said Batman giving her a snobbish look.

"Gordon?" asked Ivy quickly.

"Too old." said Batman. "I em yoooouuuuuuuuuuung."

*Pause*

"Me too!" said Ivy giving him a high five.

"Who is it Batman?" asked Wonder Woman still rubbing his shoulder.

"He's the most amazing... funny, cutest man ever." said Batman.

"Johnny Depp?" asked Ivy.

"I'd have to say Johnny Depp." said Wonder Woman.

"Johnny Depp defiantly." said Superman with a nod.

"No not Johnny Depp... Though I'd like to blow his cannon any day." said Batman.

*pause*

"HA!" Ivy burst into laughter. "I love you!" she gave Batman a high five.

"Who?" asked Wonder Woman.

Batman got a big smile on his face, and looked up across the table. Ivy, Wonder Woman and Superman followed his gaze. It landed on the Joker who was now standing on the table adding to his card castile that was now six feet tall. He felt eyes burn into him and he slightly glanced up at them.

'Why are they looking at me?' the Joker asked himself. 'Is my fly open... nope. Superman and Wonder woman look shocked... They need to lay off the crack... Ivy how ever is giving me that evil funny look when ever something embarrassing happens to me. Like the time at China Town... stupid fat men and their wrestling. Batman is giving me that creepy seductive smile, like he's undressing me with his eyes...... no help there. No change.' The Joker cleared his throat.

"What?" he asked.

"The Joker?" asked Wonder Woman looking at Batman who nodded.

"What about me?" asked the Joker.

"PRICELESS!" said Ivy with a laugh.

"What?" asked the Joker.

"Yes it's true." said Batman with a nod at the others.

"What is true?" asked the Joker.

"I love him." said Batman.

"Oh is that all?" asked the Joker with a laugh and went back to building his card castile. He stopped suddenly and his eyes went wide. "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?" He looked at the group.

"Batman has a man crush on you clown boy." said Ivy with a laugh leaning back in her chair.

"Huh?" said the Joker.

"It's true, I do." said Batman with a hand on his chest and nodded.

"Whoa whoa woah! No no no no no no... this is uh... not right." said the Joker.

"Its true love." said Ivy, Batman nodded.

"No it's NOT." said the Joker.

"I think it is... I see some chemistry." said Ivy.

"I think it's a strong bond." said Batman.

"I think you're out of your fucking mind." said the Joker.

"Come on Joker, give him a hug." said Ivy.

"Shut up Ivy." he hissed down at her, making her laugh.

"You know, I want to apologize." said Batman. "For all the times I hit you... I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Yes you did." said the Joker. "I disserved it, I'm scum that needs to get curb stomped."

"I love it when he talks dirty." said Batman.

The Joker stood there with a blank expression and wide eyes. Ivy laughed to herself and everyone was at a lost for words. The Joker backed off the table and flopped down in his chair. Crossing his arms and sinking deep into the chair.

"He's pouting Batman, give him a kiss and make him feel better." said Ivy. The Joker snapped his head in her direction and glared. Batman got to his feet and slowly walked towards the Joker.

"NO NO NO NO NO!" said the Joker waving his hands up. "Get away from me." Batman got closer and held his arms out. "Get away." The Joker got out of his chair and ducked around Batman.

"It's okay honey." said Batman.

"Your crazy!" said the Joker backing away from him. "Get away from me!" Batman went to hug the Joker and he ducked around him and crawled under the table. "Crazy Bat."

"Peek-a Boo!" said Batman looking under the table with a grin. The Joker crawled out on the opposite side and hid behind Superman. "Honey."

"He's playing hard to get Batman." said Ivy watching with laugh.

"Ivy, suck it." said the Joker.

"Jerk." said Ivy. "You know, I always thought you were a bit fruity."

"I am not!" said the Joker.

Ivy laughed and started to file her nails. A figure slowly walked up behind her and spoke.

"Is this were the top secret meeting is?" asked the woman. Ivy glanced up and smiled at her friend.

"More like, secret sharing." said Ivy.

"Oooo! Can I play too?" asked Harley Quinn clapping her hands.

"It's more of a one on one game, with Batman and Joker." said Ivy with a laugh.

"Where is my puddin?" asked Harley.

"Behind the big guy in red and blue." said Ivy.

"Get away from me." said the Joker. "It's not funny."

"Sweet cheeks... come here." said Batman spreading his arms out. "Hug me baby."

The Joker glared at him, and then caught sight of red and black over his shoulder. He smiled past Batman's shoulder and saw an escape rout.

"Harley!" yelled the Joker quickly running from behind Superman and jumping over the table through his card castile and hid behind her as cards fell all around them. "He's crazy... kill him."

"Puddin, I thought you didn't want to kill Batman?" asked Harley.

"Hey woman, hands off my man!" said Batman pointing at Harley with one hand on his hip.

"Say what?" asked Harley.

"See, he's out of his mind!" said the Joker.

"Batman has a... uh man crush on your puddin." said Ivy.

"Fuck this." said Superman getting up from his seat and heading towards the exit. He grabbed Wonder Woman by the arm and dragged her along.

"Can we go to the mall?" she asked as they disappeared through the exit.

"Sorry B-Man but the Joker is my puddin!" said Harley hugging him. The Joker smiled and stuck his tongue out at Batman.

"NO! He's mine!" said Batman jumping in his spot and sitting on the ground with his hands folded. He acted like a two year old who didn't get the toy they wanted. Batman screamed and cried hitting the ground with his fists. Then he growled and started to turn green and Ivy and Harley hid behind the Joker.

"He's not one of my plants!" said Ivy.

The group backed up, Harley and Ivy's nails dug into the Joker's arms as they used him as a shield. Batman hunched over and his muscles started to grow and he roared. The Joker looked to his right and raised a brow, licking his lips he looked back to Batman. Batman stood up and grew a few feet taller. He ripped through his suet and his whole body was green. The three villains stepped back towards the exit and eyed Batman.

"Wait I've seen this somewhere." said Harley.

"Hey yeah!" said the Joker. "Batman you ass, you switched sides on us! You traitor! Marvel sucks!"

"Shhh Puddin were going to get sued." said Harley.

"Who cares!" said the Joker. Batman roared and slammed his fists on the floor. "Run." The three turned and ran as fast as they could up the stairs towards the exit. The electric door shut behind them and they could hear Batman's steps pound towards them. They ran down the hall and entered the living room of Wayne Manor. Ivy turned and spotted the fuse box and shut the power down.

"There now he's trapped down there." said Ivy. "The doors won't open."

"Mr. Joker?" asked a man in a fancy light blue suite.

"Yes." Said the Joker.

"I'm Mr. Dunkin I'm here to tell you that your being sued." He handed him a piece of paper and disappeared.

"Told you." Said Harley.

The three jumped with Alfred appeared and there was a click. A electric bracelet fell from his ankle and to the floor. He gave a sigh of relief and the three eyed him.

"Thank you... I'm free." said Alfred, he turned. "RUN!" He bolted out of the room. Then they hared a bunch of commotion around them as Italian Male Swimsuit Models ran down the stairs, out of rooms and even out from under carpets ran towards the door.

"Wow didn't see that one coming." said Ivy, as a Male Model crawled out of a vase next to her.

"It's a funny world we live in." said the Joker.

"Let's go!" said Harley grabbing his hand and pulled him towards the door.

"OUCH!" yelled Ivy as the Joker pulled her along by her hair.

The three ran out of the house and down the drive way. They stopped in their tracks as they spotted the vehicles. They smiled at each other as they eyed the expensive cars.

*back in the bat cave*

The Batman/Hulk sat on the stone floor hugging his legs. Tears rolled down his face and he rocked back and forth. He sniffed and frowned. "I just wanted some Joker lovin." He burst into tears and his cries echoed through the walls.

"What the hell happened?" asked the Riddler sitting up. He looked over and saw the big green guy. "Oh snap."

*meanwhile on the soil above*

"Faster!" screamed Harley. "WEEEEEE!"

"This isn't what I had in mind." said the Joker.

The Joker drove a pink moped and Harley rode on back hugging him tight. He rolled his eyes. Ivy rode in the little red wagon that was tied to the back. The Joker growled and hit the gas... They zoomed down the street doing a whole ten miles an hour.

------------

**Please review and no hatein please! Let me know what you think. **


	2. The Dating Game

_**Alright here's story two… again I have to thank my friend because hell she helped me with this. I got this idea from an ICP song… anyways here's another one! Enjoy and I'm shocked some people are actually reading this lol. **_

**The Dating Game**

"Welcome to the dating game! I'm your host Dick Butkis." said the host. "Now today we have a dashing young lady... She's fine; she's smart and has a passion for Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream! Rachel Dawes."

"How are you doing Rachel?" asked the Host.

"Pretty good." said Rachel with a nod sitting in the heart shaped chair. "I'm happy to be here."

"Of course you are!" he replied. "There's no better place then to find true love... then on TV! Ask Bret and Tila... speaking of which, watch Bret's third show is on every Sunday. Anyways! Let's meet the contestants."

A man randomly walks across the stage with a potted plant in his hands and exits at the other end. Everyone is silent... The light shines on Harvey Dent, who gives a smile to the crowd. He waves and is supporting an awkward pink wind suite. (Who wears those?)

"Contestant number one, He's a man who knows his way around the court room. He has a high sense of fashion..." The host pauses and looks Dent over, and shakes his head. "Riiiight. He's got a unique chin. He's got a steady income and has a passion for going to the driving rang every Saturday night. You sly dog!" Dent just smiles.

"Hmmm, he sounds pretty good." said Rachel with a smile.

"Don't make your choice just yet; we still have two more men that want to, in contestant number one's words... Drive you every Saturday night." He laughs at his lame joke, and the room is silent except for the occasional cricket. "Anyways let's meet our next contestant.

The same man from before walks across the stage going the opposite way, with a two foot tree in his hands and exits. The light shines down on the Joker, who is playing with a rubrics-cube. He solves the puzzle in two seconds and throws it into the crowd. It struck some lady in the head, and she inhales the hotdog she was eating and falls to the floor.

"HA!" said the Joker and points.

"Alight, contestant number two.... He's a man that's all about smiles. He enjoys a good laugh... at anything! He has a high sense of humor, and is an agent of chaos. He's got a sharp mind and a knife collection to match! He's got power and also a good sense of color! He loves pudding cups and juice boxes! Along with a passion to put a smile on everyone's faces." said the host with a smile.

"Ooo he sounds fun." said Rachel. The Joker nods slyly and has an evil smirk on his face.

"Slow your gears down girl." said the host. "We have one more contestant left."

The light shines on Bruce Wayne, who is wearing a red fur coat and matching top hat. He's holding a gold pimp cup and wearing bright pink sunglasses. He smiled at the crowd and gives a wave.

"Contestant number three... He's a man that's all about the booty shake. He enjoys a great girl with a fine booty that be can bring home to meet his butler. He has money and knows how to play the fame game. He's a true pimpin playa that is down with the jeezy and slaps bitches in the heezy. His passions are long struts on the catwalk and pink feathers." said the host.

"He sounds unique." said Rachel.

"More like a fag to me." said the Joker under his breath.

"Hey, don't make me bust a cap." said Bruce pointing to the Joker.

"Bring it Busta Rhymes!" snapped the Joker.

"Alight men settle down." said the host.

The man walks across the front of the stage, with a six foot tall tree and exits. The three contestants look at each other and shrug.

"Alright Rachel, your going to ask each of these men a question." said the Host. "And we'll see who is going to make you a lucky lady. Let's play the dating game!!!!" said the host. "Good luck."

"You'll need it." Harvey said to the Joker snapping his collar.

"Look who's talking Fabio." snapped the Joker.

"Shut up, you... freakin grape!" replied Harvey.

"Grape? Are you kidding me you fucking lemonade." replied the Joker.

"Gentlemen... please." said the Host breaking them up. "Go ahead Rachel."

"Alright, contestant number one... If I took you home to meet my parents... how would you impress them and me? First impressions are important." asked Rachel.

"Well, I'd be a pure gentleman. Pull out chairs for the ladies... help out if I needed to. Get to know your father, get on his good side with a few sports topics I'm guessing. It be fun." said Harvey. "Maybe if your mother would like... I could show her my nine iron and she could hit my balls around." The crowd claps and cheers and Rachel laughs.

"Friendly." she replied. "Contestant number two... same question."

The Joker lets out a sigh and thinks. "First off... I'd uh, make them smile with a few jokes. Make small talk with your father... Though I wouldn't be paying attention to him... I'd be too occupied with your mother's ass as she made macaroni and cheese in the kitchen. After a shitty meal I'd introduce them to my knife collection and I'd show you a uh... magic trick." The crowd clapped and cheered loudly and Rachel eyed them with wide eyes.

"Kind of a bad boy that one." said Rachel with a laugh. "Alright contestant number three same question."

"First I'd go in there and get on their good side, hand out some gifts. Like my album that is about to drop." Bruce held up his CD. "It's called, 'Gotham Playa' It hits on the 1st."

"Gotham Playa?" asked Harvey.

"Got a problem with that Homes?" asked Bruce.

"Nope." said Harvey with a laugh.

"Anyway with my answer... I'd teach your parents the 'Wayne-Jive'." he gets up and does the running man and the crowd cheers.

"That's the running man dip shit." said the Joker.

"I'll do the running man on your face Bozo." said Bruce.

"Bitch." said the Joker getting to his feet.

"What now!!!" said Bruce as a small security guard holds him back. "Oh you wanna go! Come on!"

"Bring it!" shouted the Joker.

"It's already been brought in." said Bruce.

"Damn right!" said the Joker then turned to Harvey. "Hold me back!"

Harvey gets up and grabs the Joker's arm. "You're lucky the Flamingo is holding me back other wise shit would go down!"

"Alright enough." said the host. "Please." The Joker and Bruce sit back down in their seats. "Finish your answer."

"Alright... We'd have a good Chicken Dinner and afterwards uh... I'd take you out and we'd go clubbing at the Hilton." said Bruce and the Joker rolled his eyes.

"Fun!" said Rachel.

"Alright Rachel, these guys are certainly fighting for you love so ask another question." said the host.

"Alright. Contestant number 1... Where would we go on our first date?" asked Rachel.

"Well... I'd take you to a movie, I hear 'Blood Blood Blood' is pretty good." said Harvey and Rachel raised a brow. "Then go get a nice supper, McDonalds is open till midnight. We'd hit the drive through... Then being a Saturday night we'd go to the driving range and I'd teach you how to handle the good ol' Putter." He winked to the camera.

"Very friendly." said Rachel with a blush. "Contestant number 2?"

"Fuck the movie. Fuck the dinner. Fuck the whole hitting balls with clubs. Alright... That's boring. I for one would take you out on the town and uh, do what I do best. I'd show you a good time that you would never forget." said the Joker and the crowd mumbled in curiosity.

"What would we do?" asked Rachel with interest.

"Lets just say uh the night would get blown out of proportion and you'd liiiiiike it." he growled and the crowd cheered for him.

"I LOVE YOU!" screamed a random girl in the back. The Joker lightly waved.

"Ooo he's aggressive." said Rachel fanning her face with the latest

issue of 'Li-po and You'. "Contestant number 3?"

"Babe, we'd cruse the town in my 57' Ford Truck." said Bruce. "We'd hit all the hot spots so I could show you off to all my homies down at Office Max and Staples. You'd have a good time and I'd look damn good on your arm baby! OW OW! Chicka Chicka Yay!" He jumped up and tried to do a brake dance move but failed and sat back in his seat and the crowd clapped.

"Adventurous." said Rachel with a laugh.

"Alright Rachel will ask her final question and make her discussion right after the break!" said the host.

"CLEAR!" yelled the Camera Guy.

"Good, I need a shot of Jack." said the Host going off stage.

"I got the girl eating out of the palm of my hand." said Bruce waving at the crowd.

"Like the clown is eating out of your goblet?" asked Harvey.

"It's not a goblet it's a-." he cut off look down at the Joker who was eating Lucky Charms out of the Pimp Cup. "PIMP CUP!" Bruce yelled and reached for his cup.

"More like a device to eat cereal out of." said the Joker pulling out of his reach and finishing his cereal.

"You jerk!" said Bruce grabbing the cup from him.

"Hey, you could write a song about this." said the Joker. "Call 'I'm a dirty lil bitch that got owned by the clown!'"

"Yeah!" said Harvey.

"Can it." said the Joker and one of his goons came up behind Harvey and slammed a garbage can over his head. "HAHA!" the Joker burst into laughter.

"You're NOT funny." said Bruce in a snobbish tone.

"You're NOT straight." said the Joker not paying attention.

"Alright punk it's going down!" said Bruce taking off his fur coat. He was wearing a pink tank top that said 'Legalize'. "Come on Ronald!"

The Joker turned slowly to face Bruce who was jumping up and down like a boxer. The Joker bit at his scars and walked forward slowly getting closer to Bruce. The Joker stopped in front of him and Bruce was waiting for him to make the first move. The Joker eyed him and suddenly poked him in the eye. Bruce grabbed his face and sunk to the floor crying like a little girl. The Joker turned away and sat in his seat.

"Five seconds." yelled the camera man.

"Come on Bodagit!" said the Joker as Bruce sat in his seat still crying.

"You're a bully!" hissed Harvey.

"You're a woman in disguise." said the Joker linking his hands together on his belly.

"WE ARE BACK TO THE DATING GAME!" said the host.

A man walked in front of the stage holding a tree that was now two stories tall. He walked from one end of the stage to the other and disappeared. The Joker raised a brow and looked uneasy.

"Alright Rachel it's time for your last question." said the Host.

"I have a question." said the Joker loudly. "What the hell is up with the guy and the damn trees?"

"What the hell is up with you and you PMS attitude?" asked Harvey.

"Listen Hoagie." said the Joker.

"Harvey." said Harvey correcting him.

"Harold... Shut up." said the Joker. "What I say... is NONE of your business so shut up before I go all Judo on your ass."

"AHHHHHHH!" yelled Bruce tackling the Joker from behind.

The two men fall onto the floor and the crowd is cheering the two roll on the floor and hit each other. The host is standing in shock and Rachel has no idea what is going on because she can't see past the barrier. Security is holding back the crowd but not taking care of the fight. (dorks) The Joker sits on Bruce's stomach and gives him a Wet Willy and slaps him on the face.

"Stop!" said Harvey hitting the Joker on the back with a peacock feather. "Stop it!"

"I don't need to ask my last question." said Rachel looking at the host. "I know who I want to pick." The host looks at her in shock. "I MADE MY CHOICE!"

The fight stops and the Joker and Bruce get to their feet. The Joker straightens his suite and Bruce rubs rug burns on his arms. The three men stand in a line waiting for Rachel to make her choice.

"You're a real jerk." hissed Bruce.

"You're a tool." said the Joker.

"My choice was pretty easy." said Rachel. "One of you came on a bit too strong. And I can tell by your movements that you're wearing a wind suite and.... that made me judge your sexuality. Sorry I want a man that will think I'm hot in my clothes, and not think he's hot in MY clothes. Contestant Number One I don't pick you."

"Let's see contestant number one!" yelled the host. Harvey comes from behind the wall and Rachel eyes him. He goes to shake her hand but he pulls away.

"Bitch please... you know I'm hot." said Harvey. "By the way, love the shoes, love the dress and the hair!" He smiles and walks off stage.

"Any regrets?" asked the Host.

"No... I was worried his chin would eat me!" said Rachel. "Anyways, the other one I'm going to have to get rid of.... Hmmm... One of you seemed a bit, dominate... Well you tried to act like it. However we all know that you're just a little lap dog that would ask permission from your women to use the bathroom. Also, you think you're the shizznit and... your not. Contestant number three... I don't pick you."

"Let's see contestant number three!" yelled the host.

Bruce comes out with his red fur coat in one hand and his pimp cup in the other. His glasses are broken and his eye is black and blue. Plus he has tears on his face and looks at Rachel.

"Please pick me." he cried.

"No." said Rachel.

"Pleeeaaaase!!" he cried and fell to his knees.

"I'm sorry you're not my type." said Rachel.

"Please!! I'll do anything." he cried. "See!" he gave himself a rough titty twister. "AHHHHHHH! This is for you!" Rachel eyed him in shock. "AHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he continued. "I wish I knew how to quit you!!!" Security came and drug him off.

"Wow." said Rachel. "Anyways, contestant number two. I think your very confident... you seem to know what to say to keep a girl wondering. Plus you're aggressive and I love aggression. I guess what I'm saying is I'd love to be the one you tie down and fondle. I pick you."

"Let's see contestant number two!" said the Host.

The Joker comes out with a skip in his seat and the crowd cheers for him. Rachel smiles and quickly runs up to him and tackles him to the ground.

"I guess some CAN find true love on TV." said the host.

"Show me you're amazing... magic trick!" she said.

"Alright." said the Joker laughing in the back of his throat and smiled at the camera.

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